How to Have Sex
It's a few days to your wedding... and your wedding night. You've learned about your body. You've been checked out by your gynecologist. You know the basics of human sexuality, and you probably know you're capable of getting very turned on. But maybe you're a virgin and unsure about exactly how to have sex.
Well, no one can tell you for sure how everything is going to play out... but here's a general how-to.
1. Emotional Preparation
Don't skip this step! Having sex for the first time is a big deal, and you need to talk to your fiance about it before you get married. It's a good idea to have these discussions in a public place, like while on a walk, at a restaurant with a private corner, or at one of your houses where other people are around and could come into the room at any moment. It can be way too easy to let words turn into actions, especially when you know you're only a few days away from being able to pounce on each other.
You'll want to discuss a few things in particular:
When and where you want to have sex for the first time.
Do you want to have it on your wedding night? Would you rather get a good night's sleep and start exploring each other in the morning when you're rested? Would you rather wait until you're officially away on your honeymoon and have lots of time and privacy? Would you rather take your time and ease into sex -- perhaps just making out and then sleeping in each other's arms the first night, then exploring with your hands and mouth the next night, and eventually moving onto actual sex when it feels comfortable?
Your past sexual experiences.
It's important to openly discuss each of your past sexual experiences with your fiance, including previous sexual experimentation, any sexual abuse, and attitudes towards sex that may come into play on your wedding night. Feelings and memories from your pasts may come up at unexpected moments, and both of you being aware of them and okay with them will help relieve a lot of pressure.
Your expectations and comfort zone.
Do you want to experiment with oral sex? Does the idea of having your butt touched really bother you? Would you be okay having the lights on, or would you prefer them dim the first few times you have sex? There's a good chance that you won't orgasm your first time -- most women don't -- and it might be helpful to explain this to your fiance so he knows what to expect.
Your needs as a virgin.
Many women find first-time sex uncomfortable or even painful. You can make it much, much easier on your body and emotions if you explain beforehand to your fiance that losing your virginity may entail your hymen breaking (if it hasn't broken already from tampon use or exercise) and your vagina stretching more than it's accustomed to -- because of this, you'll need a lot of time, foreplay, and possibly lubrication (like KY Jelly or Astroglide) before he enters you. If you're fully aroused and relaxed, having sex for the first time is more likely to be a genuinely pleasurable experience. And if it's not... Don't worry. You'll get the hang of it. Like anything else, sex takes practice. Luckily, practicing is a world of fun.
2. Foreplay
It's your wedding night! Congratulations. It's time to get warmed up, because good first-time sex starts with good foreplay.
Foreplay is anything that gets you aroused -- it can include flirtatious glances hours before you actually climb into bed with your husband, loving conversation, back rubs, light touching, kissing, licking, sucking, grinding, or whatever else gets you going. Trust your instincts on this one.
Go slow for this part, and enjoy having the freedom to do whatever you want with your favorite man in the world.
2. Arousal
You'll probably have a good idea of when you're fully aroused: your vagina will be wet with natural lubricant, your labia will have become soft and warm, your skin will be sensitive all over your body, and you'll probably experience an overwhelming sensation of wanting your husband.
Your husband will probably be fully aroused by this point, too. It's a little easier to tell with a guy: If he's physically ready to go, his penis will be erect.
3. Optional Step: Birth Control
If you're using condoms, now is the time to put them on. Your husband will probably have practiced this before the wedding night. If he hasn't, don't worry -- condoms are easy to put on. Unwrap the condom. It'll be all rolled up. Place it at the top of his penis and, with a firm grip, roll it down the length of his shaft. Pinch the little air bubble at the top. That's it!
4. Penetration
Once you're ready, get in a position that feels good to you. Some of the best positions for first-time sex are the missionary position (with the man lying on top of the woman) or the cowgirl position (with the woman lying or sitting on top of the man -- this can be especially good as it allows you to determine how quickly and deeply his penis enters you). Stick pillows under your butts or backs if that makes things easier.
When you're ready, guide your husband's penis with your hand to the opening of your vagina. Let him know you're ready, and have him slowly enter you. It's going to be a completely new sensation, and you'll want to take the time to fully relax into it. Remember to breathe!
You may experience a little twinge of pain. If the pain gets too intense, or if you find yourself tensing up, apply some lubrication around your vagina and his penis, or have him pull out and go back to foreplay for a while. Don't worry if penetration doesn't work out the first time -- it may take several attempts. That's totally normal.
5. Thrusting/stimulation.
Once his penis is inside you, take a moment to hold still and let your body get used to the sensation. Then you can start moving. Depending on your position, you, your husband, or both of you will begin thrusting back and forth -- the main idea is that his penis will go most of the way into you, then most of the way out, then most of the way in again. Take it slow. You should be the one to determine how fast and how hard this goes, since first-time sex is a bigger deal for your body than it is for his.
You can add other sorts of stimulation here, if you're comfortable -- you can touch your clitoris while he's thrusting, or squeeze his nipples, or grope his butt, or do whatever you already know you both like.
6. Orgasm (maybe)
Some women reach orgasm the first time they have sex. Some women don't. If you don't, it's okay -- you're normal, and you'll have plenty of time over the next eternity to figure out what gets you there. Chances are good your husband will orgasm. He may climax quickly if he's also a virgin, doesn't have a history of masturbation, and/or isn't using a condom.
You can keep going until he orgasms, or just as long as feels good. (Sex after the man orgasms is almost impossible, as his penis will usually lose its erectness and become extremely sensitive.)
7. Pullout
When you're ready to stop, your husband will pull his penis out of you (or you'll slide off of it, if you're on top). Do this slowly and gently to allow your body time to adjust.
8. Cooldown and Cleanup
You're going to be in a world of new sensations right now, both physical and emotional. You may feel blissful and glowing, or a worried and guilty, or disappointed, or sleepy, or turned on and ready for Round Two. Whatever you're feeling, let yourself process the emotions. Your husband will probably need time to recover -- orgasm takes a lot of energy out of most men.
If you didn't orgasm but are still aroused and not quite ready to cool down, you can have your husband stimulate your clitoris, or you can touch yourself while he kisses and touches you. You may orgasm, or it may just feel good and help you come down from the peak of arousal.
If your husband wore a condom, he'll want to take it off fairly soon after sex. Stick it back in the wrapper it came in and throw it away. If he didn't wear a condom and came inside you, your vagina will probably feel wet with semen. You can go to the bathroom and clean it up with a towel, or just put a towel under you to catch any leaks. Your husband will also want to clean any semen off his penis, since it gets sticky and uncomfortable as it dries.
Continue cuddling, kissing, or lying there together as long as feels good. You might want to talk about the experience, or shower together, or... actually, you can do whatever you want. You're married, girl!
Now that you've read all this, go into your wedding night relaxed and confident. Trust that you'll remember everything you need to know. Your body will fill in an incredible number of blanks. Sex is mostly instinctual, and you'll find your way around quickly. Happy exploring!
Well, no one can tell you for sure how everything is going to play out... but here's a general how-to.
1. Emotional Preparation
Don't skip this step! Having sex for the first time is a big deal, and you need to talk to your fiance about it before you get married. It's a good idea to have these discussions in a public place, like while on a walk, at a restaurant with a private corner, or at one of your houses where other people are around and could come into the room at any moment. It can be way too easy to let words turn into actions, especially when you know you're only a few days away from being able to pounce on each other.
You'll want to discuss a few things in particular:
When and where you want to have sex for the first time.
Do you want to have it on your wedding night? Would you rather get a good night's sleep and start exploring each other in the morning when you're rested? Would you rather wait until you're officially away on your honeymoon and have lots of time and privacy? Would you rather take your time and ease into sex -- perhaps just making out and then sleeping in each other's arms the first night, then exploring with your hands and mouth the next night, and eventually moving onto actual sex when it feels comfortable?
Your past sexual experiences.
It's important to openly discuss each of your past sexual experiences with your fiance, including previous sexual experimentation, any sexual abuse, and attitudes towards sex that may come into play on your wedding night. Feelings and memories from your pasts may come up at unexpected moments, and both of you being aware of them and okay with them will help relieve a lot of pressure.
Your expectations and comfort zone.
Do you want to experiment with oral sex? Does the idea of having your butt touched really bother you? Would you be okay having the lights on, or would you prefer them dim the first few times you have sex? There's a good chance that you won't orgasm your first time -- most women don't -- and it might be helpful to explain this to your fiance so he knows what to expect.
Your needs as a virgin.
Many women find first-time sex uncomfortable or even painful. You can make it much, much easier on your body and emotions if you explain beforehand to your fiance that losing your virginity may entail your hymen breaking (if it hasn't broken already from tampon use or exercise) and your vagina stretching more than it's accustomed to -- because of this, you'll need a lot of time, foreplay, and possibly lubrication (like KY Jelly or Astroglide) before he enters you. If you're fully aroused and relaxed, having sex for the first time is more likely to be a genuinely pleasurable experience. And if it's not... Don't worry. You'll get the hang of it. Like anything else, sex takes practice. Luckily, practicing is a world of fun.
2. Foreplay
It's your wedding night! Congratulations. It's time to get warmed up, because good first-time sex starts with good foreplay.
Foreplay is anything that gets you aroused -- it can include flirtatious glances hours before you actually climb into bed with your husband, loving conversation, back rubs, light touching, kissing, licking, sucking, grinding, or whatever else gets you going. Trust your instincts on this one.
Go slow for this part, and enjoy having the freedom to do whatever you want with your favorite man in the world.
2. Arousal
You'll probably have a good idea of when you're fully aroused: your vagina will be wet with natural lubricant, your labia will have become soft and warm, your skin will be sensitive all over your body, and you'll probably experience an overwhelming sensation of wanting your husband.
Your husband will probably be fully aroused by this point, too. It's a little easier to tell with a guy: If he's physically ready to go, his penis will be erect.
3. Optional Step: Birth Control
If you're using condoms, now is the time to put them on. Your husband will probably have practiced this before the wedding night. If he hasn't, don't worry -- condoms are easy to put on. Unwrap the condom. It'll be all rolled up. Place it at the top of his penis and, with a firm grip, roll it down the length of his shaft. Pinch the little air bubble at the top. That's it!
4. Penetration
Once you're ready, get in a position that feels good to you. Some of the best positions for first-time sex are the missionary position (with the man lying on top of the woman) or the cowgirl position (with the woman lying or sitting on top of the man -- this can be especially good as it allows you to determine how quickly and deeply his penis enters you). Stick pillows under your butts or backs if that makes things easier.
When you're ready, guide your husband's penis with your hand to the opening of your vagina. Let him know you're ready, and have him slowly enter you. It's going to be a completely new sensation, and you'll want to take the time to fully relax into it. Remember to breathe!
You may experience a little twinge of pain. If the pain gets too intense, or if you find yourself tensing up, apply some lubrication around your vagina and his penis, or have him pull out and go back to foreplay for a while. Don't worry if penetration doesn't work out the first time -- it may take several attempts. That's totally normal.
5. Thrusting/stimulation.
Once his penis is inside you, take a moment to hold still and let your body get used to the sensation. Then you can start moving. Depending on your position, you, your husband, or both of you will begin thrusting back and forth -- the main idea is that his penis will go most of the way into you, then most of the way out, then most of the way in again. Take it slow. You should be the one to determine how fast and how hard this goes, since first-time sex is a bigger deal for your body than it is for his.
You can add other sorts of stimulation here, if you're comfortable -- you can touch your clitoris while he's thrusting, or squeeze his nipples, or grope his butt, or do whatever you already know you both like.
6. Orgasm (maybe)
Some women reach orgasm the first time they have sex. Some women don't. If you don't, it's okay -- you're normal, and you'll have plenty of time over the next eternity to figure out what gets you there. Chances are good your husband will orgasm. He may climax quickly if he's also a virgin, doesn't have a history of masturbation, and/or isn't using a condom.
You can keep going until he orgasms, or just as long as feels good. (Sex after the man orgasms is almost impossible, as his penis will usually lose its erectness and become extremely sensitive.)
7. Pullout
When you're ready to stop, your husband will pull his penis out of you (or you'll slide off of it, if you're on top). Do this slowly and gently to allow your body time to adjust.
8. Cooldown and Cleanup
You're going to be in a world of new sensations right now, both physical and emotional. You may feel blissful and glowing, or a worried and guilty, or disappointed, or sleepy, or turned on and ready for Round Two. Whatever you're feeling, let yourself process the emotions. Your husband will probably need time to recover -- orgasm takes a lot of energy out of most men.
If you didn't orgasm but are still aroused and not quite ready to cool down, you can have your husband stimulate your clitoris, or you can touch yourself while he kisses and touches you. You may orgasm, or it may just feel good and help you come down from the peak of arousal.
If your husband wore a condom, he'll want to take it off fairly soon after sex. Stick it back in the wrapper it came in and throw it away. If he didn't wear a condom and came inside you, your vagina will probably feel wet with semen. You can go to the bathroom and clean it up with a towel, or just put a towel under you to catch any leaks. Your husband will also want to clean any semen off his penis, since it gets sticky and uncomfortable as it dries.
Continue cuddling, kissing, or lying there together as long as feels good. You might want to talk about the experience, or shower together, or... actually, you can do whatever you want. You're married, girl!
Now that you've read all this, go into your wedding night relaxed and confident. Trust that you'll remember everything you need to know. Your body will fill in an incredible number of blanks. Sex is mostly instinctual, and you'll find your way around quickly. Happy exploring!
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