Question: Am I Too Small For Sex?
I’m a petite girl, and I’m worried I’m too small. I just don’t really know what to do/think…its awkward for me yes, but I’ve never been able to use tampons and I guess I’m just scared I’ll be too small to have sex, and worried if I’m not, I’ll instantly get pregnant even though I’m on Birth control. Can someone please reason w/ me?? - Anonymous
Answers:
I too am quite small. However, it works just fine. The key in my mind is foreplay and be liberal with the lubricant. If you combine the two it will be less uncomfortable at the start. I cannot emphasize the use of these enough. - Anonymous
My struggle has been with infertility so I have no good comfort there! I’m sure someone else will though! - Beth
Pregnancy chances are all about timing, not how narrow or wide your vagina is. Birth control pills, patches, or injections are 98% effective if they are used as perscribed. (If you are on the pill and antibiotics it WILL deactivate the pill, so be careful there.) Before you get married (or even now), you could get an annual check up at the gynecologist. Yes, it's mortifying EVERY time you go, but it's necessary for your vagina's health. Talk to her/him about your concerns. They have certain tools that look sort of like different sized tampons to stretch it so that you can be comfortable. They are gradual and you move up a size when recommended by the doctor. Also, on your wedding night, have your husband start with his fingers, starting with his pinky and moving up one by one until you are comfortable. Relax your pelvic muscles, and breathe! Make sure you are well lubricated (it can be from the bottle), before you attempt actual intercourse. If you use lubricant + a condom, make sure it isn't oil based. - Betty
There's a possibility this has nothing to do with how petite or large you are. Have you ever had a female checkup? I couldn't get tampons in all through junior high and high school, and thought I just couldn't figure it out right (never spent much time exploring) and my mom thought I was an idiot when I said they couldn't go in. Turns out, my hymen was still almost completely intact. (Your hymen is a thin piece of skin that covers the opening of your vagina when you are young and usually gradually breaks away--when you hear of women have pain and bleeding their first time having sex, it's usually some slight remnants of that being torn the rest of the way away.) For whatever reason, my hymen was very thick and had stayed in place, and while there were a couple small holes in it (the biggest was about the width of a pencil) to let out blood, it definitely wasn't big enough for anything to get in. I didn't find this out until I was a senior in high school and had my first checkup and the doctor couldn't get in either (it also ended up being very painful for me :/). Because of my unique situation, it was literally physically impossible for me to have sex unless I had surgery (called a hymenotomy/hymenectomy) to remove it. I ended up having this a couple years into college, and it took about a month to recover (until there was no pain at all) and several months of using dilators to gradually build up the width my vagina could handle and make sure scar tissue didn't close things over. But it was awesome to be able to start wearing tampons, and once I got married, sex was great. This may not be the case for you, but either way, I'd get a checkup. If it is, it's a good thing to know. If it's not, your doctor will still be able to tell you if you are too small and give you dilators to help with that problem or allay your fears completely. -K
This is a totally normal thing to be worried about, and you're not alone in your concern...lots of other women have similar worries. The other thing to keep in mind is that just as there's variation in vagina size, there's variation in penis size. If your husband's penis is smaller, you may be fine after some initial pain. It may not be something you are comfortable talking with your fiancee about when you're engaged, since penis size seems to be a weird cultural competition among men, but you can express that you have some concerns about pain/penetration and ask that you guys just take it slow. Then, if things are difficult on your wedding night/honeymoon, you can visit a doctor for more advice. Penetration isn't the only way to experience sexual pleasure or orgasm, and a good sex life takes patience and communication anyway. No matter what happens, it will be great if you just relax and communicate. - Eden
I also suggest getting a check up. Your vagina should be able to stretch and elongate when sexually aroused. So the the only problems I've heard from women is the penis is to long and will hit the cervix and cause some pain. But if you have something like vaginismus, which is a physical spasm in the vagina which can cause pain because your vagina is literally closing itself, you will need a check up. This can be caused by physical problems or psychological ones. That is just one of many causes for not being able to use a tampon. So my suggestion again would be to get a check up because only your doctor can know for sure what is happening. The questions you might want to ask, "Is it a problem now?" or "Can it wait until you are older or after you have tried to become sexually active." Hope that helps. - R
My struggle has been with infertility so I have no good comfort there! I’m sure someone else will though! - Beth
Pregnancy chances are all about timing, not how narrow or wide your vagina is. Birth control pills, patches, or injections are 98% effective if they are used as perscribed. (If you are on the pill and antibiotics it WILL deactivate the pill, so be careful there.) Before you get married (or even now), you could get an annual check up at the gynecologist. Yes, it's mortifying EVERY time you go, but it's necessary for your vagina's health. Talk to her/him about your concerns. They have certain tools that look sort of like different sized tampons to stretch it so that you can be comfortable. They are gradual and you move up a size when recommended by the doctor. Also, on your wedding night, have your husband start with his fingers, starting with his pinky and moving up one by one until you are comfortable. Relax your pelvic muscles, and breathe! Make sure you are well lubricated (it can be from the bottle), before you attempt actual intercourse. If you use lubricant + a condom, make sure it isn't oil based. - Betty
There's a possibility this has nothing to do with how petite or large you are. Have you ever had a female checkup? I couldn't get tampons in all through junior high and high school, and thought I just couldn't figure it out right (never spent much time exploring) and my mom thought I was an idiot when I said they couldn't go in. Turns out, my hymen was still almost completely intact. (Your hymen is a thin piece of skin that covers the opening of your vagina when you are young and usually gradually breaks away--when you hear of women have pain and bleeding their first time having sex, it's usually some slight remnants of that being torn the rest of the way away.) For whatever reason, my hymen was very thick and had stayed in place, and while there were a couple small holes in it (the biggest was about the width of a pencil) to let out blood, it definitely wasn't big enough for anything to get in. I didn't find this out until I was a senior in high school and had my first checkup and the doctor couldn't get in either (it also ended up being very painful for me :/). Because of my unique situation, it was literally physically impossible for me to have sex unless I had surgery (called a hymenotomy/hymenectomy) to remove it. I ended up having this a couple years into college, and it took about a month to recover (until there was no pain at all) and several months of using dilators to gradually build up the width my vagina could handle and make sure scar tissue didn't close things over. But it was awesome to be able to start wearing tampons, and once I got married, sex was great. This may not be the case for you, but either way, I'd get a checkup. If it is, it's a good thing to know. If it's not, your doctor will still be able to tell you if you are too small and give you dilators to help with that problem or allay your fears completely. -K
This is a totally normal thing to be worried about, and you're not alone in your concern...lots of other women have similar worries. The other thing to keep in mind is that just as there's variation in vagina size, there's variation in penis size. If your husband's penis is smaller, you may be fine after some initial pain. It may not be something you are comfortable talking with your fiancee about when you're engaged, since penis size seems to be a weird cultural competition among men, but you can express that you have some concerns about pain/penetration and ask that you guys just take it slow. Then, if things are difficult on your wedding night/honeymoon, you can visit a doctor for more advice. Penetration isn't the only way to experience sexual pleasure or orgasm, and a good sex life takes patience and communication anyway. No matter what happens, it will be great if you just relax and communicate. - Eden
I also suggest getting a check up. Your vagina should be able to stretch and elongate when sexually aroused. So the the only problems I've heard from women is the penis is to long and will hit the cervix and cause some pain. But if you have something like vaginismus, which is a physical spasm in the vagina which can cause pain because your vagina is literally closing itself, you will need a check up. This can be caused by physical problems or psychological ones. That is just one of many causes for not being able to use a tampon. So my suggestion again would be to get a check up because only your doctor can know for sure what is happening. The questions you might want to ask, "Is it a problem now?" or "Can it wait until you are older or after you have tried to become sexually active." Hope that helps. - R
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