Thoughts on Oral Sex
One topic that comes up often among newly engaged or newly married couples in the Church is oral sex. So we at Eternal Intimacy decided to sit down and talk it all out! We asked questions, we answered questions, we did some research, and now we're sharing it all with you.
First of all, what is oral sex?
The basic idea is that you stimulate your husband's penis with your mouth, or he stimulates your clitoris/vagina with his mouth. There's a lot of variation within this definition...oral sex could mean licking or sucking. It could mean continuing to orgasm or ejaculation, or just foreplay. It can be done with or without a condom, over clothing or without it. Whatever you decide to try is completely up to you.
One thing we do want to mention is the idea of "deep-throating." The idea comes almost entirely from the world of pornography, and involves a man placing his penis as far into a woman's mouth/throat as possible, in some cases causing vomiting or gagging. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS PRACTICE. Some may mistakenly believe that all oral sex is deep-throating. This is not true. You are welcome to try it if you're interested, but don't feel pressure to do something painful. Be sure to constantly communicate with your husband.
One thing we do want to mention is the idea of "deep-throating." The idea comes almost entirely from the world of pornography, and involves a man placing his penis as far into a woman's mouth/throat as possible, in some cases causing vomiting or gagging. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO PARTICIPATE IN THIS PRACTICE. Some may mistakenly believe that all oral sex is deep-throating. This is not true. You are welcome to try it if you're interested, but don't feel pressure to do something painful. Be sure to constantly communicate with your husband.
Is it against our religion?
This is a confusing question for a lot of people. Part of the confusion comes from a letter that was sent from the First Presidency in 1982, under the leadership of Spencer W. Kimball, stating that the "The First Presidency has interpreted oral sex as constituting an unnatural, impure, or unholy practice." HOWEVER, since then, the Church has issued multiple statements that whatever a husband and wife are comfortable with is okay. So the whole thing can be a little overwhelming to try to figure out.
After a lot of research, here's what we think at Eternal Intimacy: It's up to YOU to decide! As far as Church policy goes, the general rule is that the most current statements are the ones to go by. And the current statements don't say anything about oral sex. So talk to your husband and talk to the Lord.
After a lot of research, here's what we think at Eternal Intimacy: It's up to YOU to decide! As far as Church policy goes, the general rule is that the most current statements are the ones to go by. And the current statements don't say anything about oral sex. So talk to your husband and talk to the Lord.
I still don't feel comfortable with the idea...
That's totally okay! You don't have to try it if you don't want to. It is 100% between you and your husband. You may later change your mind and want to give it a try, or you may never want to. Again, just keep communicating.
Any advice for those who want to try it?
Oral sex can be a beautiful gift to both give and receive. It can strengthen relationships and add passion and variety, if both partners are comfortable. Here are some words of advice from our married ladies:
1. Try over clothing first if you're nervous. Keep your underwear on, and have your husband keep his on. If you're worried about bodily taste or odors, this can also help you feel a little more comfortable.
2. Talk to your husband about body hair and hygiene, both for yourself and for him. Don't pressure him or yourself to conform to a certain look, but communicate about what you both prefer.
3. If you're unsure what to do, try these tips:
FOR HIM--Lick the alphabet. You may find you enjoy the stimulation of just the I shape, or prefer the roundness of the O shape. It's a good way to learn.
FOR HER--Treat his penis like a popsicle. I know that sounds a little bit crass, but it's the only way to explain it. You can even try flavored condoms if it inspires you.
4. ALWAYS KEEP TALKING.
1. Try over clothing first if you're nervous. Keep your underwear on, and have your husband keep his on. If you're worried about bodily taste or odors, this can also help you feel a little more comfortable.
2. Talk to your husband about body hair and hygiene, both for yourself and for him. Don't pressure him or yourself to conform to a certain look, but communicate about what you both prefer.
3. If you're unsure what to do, try these tips:
FOR HIM--Lick the alphabet. You may find you enjoy the stimulation of just the I shape, or prefer the roundness of the O shape. It's a good way to learn.
FOR HER--Treat his penis like a popsicle. I know that sounds a little bit crass, but it's the only way to explain it. You can even try flavored condoms if it inspires you.
4. ALWAYS KEEP TALKING.
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