The Anatomy of Pleasure:
The Vagina
And by "vagina," I actually mean "the vagina, clitoris, labia, etc. etc. etc."
You are a complicated sexual system capable of incredible pleasure. But chances are that you, like many women, don't actually know what's up down there. Sure, you know where your vagina is, and you may have discovered your clitoris... but there's a whole lot more going on downstairs. Let's take a look. This is a diagram of just the parts of your vagina that are 1) most obvious, and 2) most important when it comes to sexual stimulation. You can see a more complete diagram here.
You are a complicated sexual system capable of incredible pleasure. But chances are that you, like many women, don't actually know what's up down there. Sure, you know where your vagina is, and you may have discovered your clitoris... but there's a whole lot more going on downstairs. Let's take a look. This is a diagram of just the parts of your vagina that are 1) most obvious, and 2) most important when it comes to sexual stimulation. You can see a more complete diagram here.
This is probably looking a little complicated and probably doesn't make much sense. So I want you to get a little personal. Grab a mirror (any mirror big enough to show you at least most of your genitals will work), wash your hands, lock the door, and strip down from the waist. We're going exploring.
I'm going to ask you to use your hands here in a few places. I know this can feel strange, especially if you haven't had sex much, but trust me -- knowing this part of your body is going to open the door to a much healthier, happier sex life. You can learn about your body by looking at pictures and remembering what you can from the last time you had sex, but you'll only really understand what's going once you've seen your own body in the mirror, figured out what everything is, and explored with your hands.
Let's start at the mons pubis, or pubic mound. If you're lying on your bed and looking down toward your feet, this is the only part of your genitalia that will be visible. It's the mound where your pubic hair naturally starts. If you touch it right now, it probably won't be particularly sensitive. Once you're aroused, however, this area can become quite sensitive, even ticklish.
Now move down to the labia major (a.k.a. the "outer labia"). Like the pubic mound, it's probably not terribly sensitive right now, but will be when you're turned on. Its skin is mostly like the skin on the rest of your body, though it may become darker as it moves toward the labia minor. Pubic hair still grows here on most women.
And then move in to the labia minor (a.k.a. the "inner labia") These are the "lips" that surround your vagina and clitoris. They're darker than the labia major, and often appear wrinkly, due to the more delicate nature of their skin. Your inner labia may be large and protrude a bit from your body, or they may be small and tucked into the outer labia. Every woman is different. and you naturally will look completely different down there from anyone else. (If you're interested in seeing the incredible diversity among labia, check out The Great Wall of Vaginas, a fascinating art project designed to illustrate the unique nature of every woman. The link doesn't contain actual nudity, and will take you to a page featuring white plaster casts of labia.) Feel them. Move them around. Spread them out. Notice what feels nice, and notice if anything is too rough.
Near the top of the labia minor, the skin folds in to cover a hard little pink nub: the clitoris. The fold of labia over the clitoris is called the "clitoral hood," and protects the clitoris from too much stimulation. And it needs protection! The average clitoris has about 8,000 nerve endings -- more than the entire penis! It serves no other purpose other than to provide you with sexual pleasure. (If you ever wanted proof that God loves you and wants you to have a sexually satisfying marriage, this is it.) Try touching it through the clitoral hood. Now try under the clitoral hood. Try rubbing it, both through and under the hood. Try gently tapping it. Try gently pinching it. Notice what sensations you enjoy. This is valuable information, particularly as anywhere between 50% to 75% of women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. Once you know in general terms what kind of stimulation you enjoy, you can tell (or show) your husband, and the two of you can explore from there.
And now, move down from the clitoris toward the urethral meatus. The hole there is your urethra, where urine comes out. Some women enjoy stimulation here, while others find it too sensitive or even painful. (Avoid touching this area too much unless you've just washed your hands, as germs on your hands can invite unpleasant visitors like urinary tract infections.) If you enjoy stimulation here, be sure to use lots of lubrication to avoid irritation.
And move down again to your vagina. This is where most of the action happens during intercourse. The vaginal opening is where you feel most stimulation, since that skin is sensitive to all kinds of touch, whereas the inside of your vagina is primarily sensitive to pressure.
Below your vagina, between your vagina and anus, is a delicate patch of skin called the perineum. Many women find this area both sensitive and pleasurable. Use caution when touching this area, however, as bacteria from your anus sometimes ends up here and can cause vaginal and urethral infections.
Now that we've gone over the outside of your genitals, it's time to move indoors. You're really going to need to use your hands to understand what's going on down here, so if you haven't already, go wash your hands and get ready to feel around. (Please do this only if your nails are trimmed and reasonably short! Long or scraggly nails can scratch your vaginal walls and cause infection without you feeling at thing.)
If you're visual and want a reference, a good basic diagram is here.
Slip a finger inside your vagina. Again, this may feel strange if you haven't really gotten to know your genitals before, but bear with me. Feel around. The vaginal walls will feel soft and damp. Press lightly against the side of your vagina. See what I mean about it being sensitive to pressure?
Slide your finger up as far as it will go. Eventually, you're going to run into something that feels like a semi-hard cone, pointing downward toward your vagina opening. This is your cervix. It's a narrow passage that forms the lower end of the uterus. Most women find this area doesn't like to be touched much. During arousal and intercourse, the cervix actually pulls up further into your body, allowing the penis more room. In some women, however, the cervix may remain low enough that their husband's penis hits it during intercourse. If this happens and you find it painful, try a different position that doesn't allow deep penetration (the missionary position and woman-on-top are both good for this), make sure you're fully aroused before your husband enters you, and/or use extra lubrication. If it continues to be a problem, see your gynecologist.
Now slide back down, running your finger with light pressure along the top of your vaginal wall (the wall closest to your belly and pubic mound). Crook your finger in a "come here" motion and feel lightly around the top of the wall not too far from your vaginal opening. You'll probably run into an area that feels different from the rest of your vagina, where the skin feels bumpy, almost like a sponge. Press it gently, or drag your crooked finger along this area toward your vaginal opening; you'll probably notice a more intense sensation, and may even feel the urge to urinate. This is your urethral sponge, and is the home of the infamous but controversial G-spot. There's no actual proof that the G-spot exists, and some claim it only exists in 10% of women. Regardless, many women find pressure on the urethral sponge to be enjoyable. If you do, explore this area with your husband -- many women find that stimulation here (particularly dragging pressure) is especially intense and pleasurable.
A word about the "hymen." You may have been told about the hymen, a small stretching of skin near the opening of your vagina. There's a lot of mythology surrounding the hymen, and you may have heard that it will be "broken" the first time you have intercourse, or that it may already be broken by physical activity. The truth is that almost no one in the world is born with a hymen that completely seals of the vagina, and everyone's hymen looks different, and some women don't even have much of one. So don't worry too much about it.
How are you feeling? Weird? Awkward? Fascinated? Turned on? Whatever you're feeling... You're okay. Good job!
Your vagina should be less of a mystery now, and you should have a little better idea of what you might enjoy in bed. If you learned anything especially interesting or useful, show your husband! He wants to please you, and the better he understands your body and how you liked to be touched, the easier it will be for him to help you enjoy sex and find sexual satisfaction in your marriage.
Questions? Concerns? Think it's totally inappropriate to touch yourself? Wish you'd done it earlier? Share in the comments, and remember: You can remain completely anonymous.
I'm going to ask you to use your hands here in a few places. I know this can feel strange, especially if you haven't had sex much, but trust me -- knowing this part of your body is going to open the door to a much healthier, happier sex life. You can learn about your body by looking at pictures and remembering what you can from the last time you had sex, but you'll only really understand what's going once you've seen your own body in the mirror, figured out what everything is, and explored with your hands.
Let's start at the mons pubis, or pubic mound. If you're lying on your bed and looking down toward your feet, this is the only part of your genitalia that will be visible. It's the mound where your pubic hair naturally starts. If you touch it right now, it probably won't be particularly sensitive. Once you're aroused, however, this area can become quite sensitive, even ticklish.
Now move down to the labia major (a.k.a. the "outer labia"). Like the pubic mound, it's probably not terribly sensitive right now, but will be when you're turned on. Its skin is mostly like the skin on the rest of your body, though it may become darker as it moves toward the labia minor. Pubic hair still grows here on most women.
And then move in to the labia minor (a.k.a. the "inner labia") These are the "lips" that surround your vagina and clitoris. They're darker than the labia major, and often appear wrinkly, due to the more delicate nature of their skin. Your inner labia may be large and protrude a bit from your body, or they may be small and tucked into the outer labia. Every woman is different. and you naturally will look completely different down there from anyone else. (If you're interested in seeing the incredible diversity among labia, check out The Great Wall of Vaginas, a fascinating art project designed to illustrate the unique nature of every woman. The link doesn't contain actual nudity, and will take you to a page featuring white plaster casts of labia.) Feel them. Move them around. Spread them out. Notice what feels nice, and notice if anything is too rough.
Near the top of the labia minor, the skin folds in to cover a hard little pink nub: the clitoris. The fold of labia over the clitoris is called the "clitoral hood," and protects the clitoris from too much stimulation. And it needs protection! The average clitoris has about 8,000 nerve endings -- more than the entire penis! It serves no other purpose other than to provide you with sexual pleasure. (If you ever wanted proof that God loves you and wants you to have a sexually satisfying marriage, this is it.) Try touching it through the clitoral hood. Now try under the clitoral hood. Try rubbing it, both through and under the hood. Try gently tapping it. Try gently pinching it. Notice what sensations you enjoy. This is valuable information, particularly as anywhere between 50% to 75% of women need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm. Once you know in general terms what kind of stimulation you enjoy, you can tell (or show) your husband, and the two of you can explore from there.
And now, move down from the clitoris toward the urethral meatus. The hole there is your urethra, where urine comes out. Some women enjoy stimulation here, while others find it too sensitive or even painful. (Avoid touching this area too much unless you've just washed your hands, as germs on your hands can invite unpleasant visitors like urinary tract infections.) If you enjoy stimulation here, be sure to use lots of lubrication to avoid irritation.
And move down again to your vagina. This is where most of the action happens during intercourse. The vaginal opening is where you feel most stimulation, since that skin is sensitive to all kinds of touch, whereas the inside of your vagina is primarily sensitive to pressure.
Below your vagina, between your vagina and anus, is a delicate patch of skin called the perineum. Many women find this area both sensitive and pleasurable. Use caution when touching this area, however, as bacteria from your anus sometimes ends up here and can cause vaginal and urethral infections.
Now that we've gone over the outside of your genitals, it's time to move indoors. You're really going to need to use your hands to understand what's going on down here, so if you haven't already, go wash your hands and get ready to feel around. (Please do this only if your nails are trimmed and reasonably short! Long or scraggly nails can scratch your vaginal walls and cause infection without you feeling at thing.)
If you're visual and want a reference, a good basic diagram is here.
Slip a finger inside your vagina. Again, this may feel strange if you haven't really gotten to know your genitals before, but bear with me. Feel around. The vaginal walls will feel soft and damp. Press lightly against the side of your vagina. See what I mean about it being sensitive to pressure?
Slide your finger up as far as it will go. Eventually, you're going to run into something that feels like a semi-hard cone, pointing downward toward your vagina opening. This is your cervix. It's a narrow passage that forms the lower end of the uterus. Most women find this area doesn't like to be touched much. During arousal and intercourse, the cervix actually pulls up further into your body, allowing the penis more room. In some women, however, the cervix may remain low enough that their husband's penis hits it during intercourse. If this happens and you find it painful, try a different position that doesn't allow deep penetration (the missionary position and woman-on-top are both good for this), make sure you're fully aroused before your husband enters you, and/or use extra lubrication. If it continues to be a problem, see your gynecologist.
Now slide back down, running your finger with light pressure along the top of your vaginal wall (the wall closest to your belly and pubic mound). Crook your finger in a "come here" motion and feel lightly around the top of the wall not too far from your vaginal opening. You'll probably run into an area that feels different from the rest of your vagina, where the skin feels bumpy, almost like a sponge. Press it gently, or drag your crooked finger along this area toward your vaginal opening; you'll probably notice a more intense sensation, and may even feel the urge to urinate. This is your urethral sponge, and is the home of the infamous but controversial G-spot. There's no actual proof that the G-spot exists, and some claim it only exists in 10% of women. Regardless, many women find pressure on the urethral sponge to be enjoyable. If you do, explore this area with your husband -- many women find that stimulation here (particularly dragging pressure) is especially intense and pleasurable.
A word about the "hymen." You may have been told about the hymen, a small stretching of skin near the opening of your vagina. There's a lot of mythology surrounding the hymen, and you may have heard that it will be "broken" the first time you have intercourse, or that it may already be broken by physical activity. The truth is that almost no one in the world is born with a hymen that completely seals of the vagina, and everyone's hymen looks different, and some women don't even have much of one. So don't worry too much about it.
How are you feeling? Weird? Awkward? Fascinated? Turned on? Whatever you're feeling... You're okay. Good job!
Your vagina should be less of a mystery now, and you should have a little better idea of what you might enjoy in bed. If you learned anything especially interesting or useful, show your husband! He wants to please you, and the better he understands your body and how you liked to be touched, the easier it will be for him to help you enjoy sex and find sexual satisfaction in your marriage.
Questions? Concerns? Think it's totally inappropriate to touch yourself? Wish you'd done it earlier? Share in the comments, and remember: You can remain completely anonymous.
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