What To Do When Things Get Hot and you want to keep the law of chastity
If you're dating or engaged, it's easy to get into a situation with a boyfriend or fiance where things get a little too exciting. But if you want to wait until marriage for certain activities, sometimes it's hard to know how to decide and communicate your desires, and what to do when you're getting close to those activities. Here's some straight talk on how to stay in charge.
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT:
1. Decide your standards ahead of time, and why you’re choosing them.
Because there's so much room for interpretation in the Law of Chastity, you get to choose what you're comfortable doing and not doing. Study the doctrine of chastity and procreation, and seek a testimony for yourself.
2. Talk about your boundaries ahead of time.
I know this seems unromantic and unpleasant. But it's the only way your date/boyfriend/fiance will know what's okay with you! And if someone isn’t willing to talk to you about your standards, get out of there, sister.
3. Notice if you feel the urge to moan or gasp.
This is a pretty clear signal that your body is gearing up for baby-making and enjoying itself. Which is totally awesome--your body is capable of so much pleasure! It feels SO GOOD to make out, but if you get to this point, it may be helpful to tell your body to slow down (or it will just keep telling you to speed up).
4. Remember that you can come up with some rules of your own.
If you notice you are more tempted to cross the line when you’re sitting in a car with someone, you can set limits for sitting in the car with someone. Cater your own "rules" to your own situation. You're in charge, here.
5. Think about biology.
You may already know this, but if you are kissing for a long time, a man may get an erection. This is when blood rushes to the penis and makes it harder and pointed more upright, preparing it for intercourse. (Normally, the penis is kind of floppy and hangs down.) When this happens, everything in their bodies is telling them to have sex. You don't necessarily have to talk about this, but it's something that's good to just be aware of.
OKAY, I'VE DECIDED ON MY STANDARDS, AND NOW THINGS ARE GETTING HOT! WHAT DO I DO?!
First of all, you may have been told that its the girl’s responsibility to make sure things don’t go too far. THIS IS NOT TRUE. You and your date are equally responsible for your own actions. It can also be hard, and awkward, to say something or stop or slow down. You may be worried about hurting your boyfriend’s/fiancee’s feelings. BUT YOU HAVE A GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO COMMUNICATE. Here are some things that either you or your boyfriend/fiancée can do when things get a little steamy.
1. Say something
I know, I know. So unromantic. But trust me, it’s worth it. All you have to say is, “Hey, can we slow down?” or “Let’s take a break.” You could even come up with a “code phrase” that means you need to take a minute and recover equilibrium.
2. Suggest going somewhere public
You’re far less likely to break the law of chastity in front of other people. So if you just can’t keep your hands off each other, it might be time to make sure those hands are seen publicly. Restaurants are always good suggestions, and if you’re poor, you can go window shopping, visit the library, play in the park, etc.
Have any other tips, guidelines, or experiences to share? Join us in the comments or send us a message via the contact page! Remember: You can be completely anonymous!
THINGS TO THINK ABOUT:
1. Decide your standards ahead of time, and why you’re choosing them.
Because there's so much room for interpretation in the Law of Chastity, you get to choose what you're comfortable doing and not doing. Study the doctrine of chastity and procreation, and seek a testimony for yourself.
2. Talk about your boundaries ahead of time.
I know this seems unromantic and unpleasant. But it's the only way your date/boyfriend/fiance will know what's okay with you! And if someone isn’t willing to talk to you about your standards, get out of there, sister.
3. Notice if you feel the urge to moan or gasp.
This is a pretty clear signal that your body is gearing up for baby-making and enjoying itself. Which is totally awesome--your body is capable of so much pleasure! It feels SO GOOD to make out, but if you get to this point, it may be helpful to tell your body to slow down (or it will just keep telling you to speed up).
4. Remember that you can come up with some rules of your own.
If you notice you are more tempted to cross the line when you’re sitting in a car with someone, you can set limits for sitting in the car with someone. Cater your own "rules" to your own situation. You're in charge, here.
5. Think about biology.
You may already know this, but if you are kissing for a long time, a man may get an erection. This is when blood rushes to the penis and makes it harder and pointed more upright, preparing it for intercourse. (Normally, the penis is kind of floppy and hangs down.) When this happens, everything in their bodies is telling them to have sex. You don't necessarily have to talk about this, but it's something that's good to just be aware of.
OKAY, I'VE DECIDED ON MY STANDARDS, AND NOW THINGS ARE GETTING HOT! WHAT DO I DO?!
First of all, you may have been told that its the girl’s responsibility to make sure things don’t go too far. THIS IS NOT TRUE. You and your date are equally responsible for your own actions. It can also be hard, and awkward, to say something or stop or slow down. You may be worried about hurting your boyfriend’s/fiancee’s feelings. BUT YOU HAVE A GOD-GIVEN RIGHT TO COMMUNICATE. Here are some things that either you or your boyfriend/fiancée can do when things get a little steamy.
1. Say something
I know, I know. So unromantic. But trust me, it’s worth it. All you have to say is, “Hey, can we slow down?” or “Let’s take a break.” You could even come up with a “code phrase” that means you need to take a minute and recover equilibrium.
2. Suggest going somewhere public
You’re far less likely to break the law of chastity in front of other people. So if you just can’t keep your hands off each other, it might be time to make sure those hands are seen publicly. Restaurants are always good suggestions, and if you’re poor, you can go window shopping, visit the library, play in the park, etc.
Have any other tips, guidelines, or experiences to share? Join us in the comments or send us a message via the contact page! Remember: You can be completely anonymous!
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