Question: How do I sexually deactivate?
Do you have any insight about those of us who were sexually active while married but are now divorced or widowed? It’s a unique challenge to sexually deactivate. I assume all standards stated above apply, but I’ve only ever read them in the context of the not yet married folks, particularly with the issue of masturbation. What advice do you have for us who have already tasted the forbidden fruit? - Curious
Answers:
"I kind of hate to give this answer, but I think the same standards apply as being single. Which sucks, because you know what you're missing. But I think the Lord would still want you to abstain from sexual activity, including masturbation." - Eden
"I had a roommate that was divorced and she would talk to us about how different it was to switch back to being single. Some of the things that helped her was having roommates, obviously, but also having a support group that could help distract her. She talked with the bishop a lot about these problems and he gave her a position in the temple to help her. I guess staying busy and having people around to help you are some of the advice I observed from her." - Rebekah
"About that same roommate [R mentioned] -- I noticed she spent a lot of time on her knees and in the scriptures. I echo Rebekah's thought that staying busy was really important for her, but also that she turned to God. I remember talking to her later about something (trivial) that was bothering me and she asked me if I had prayed about it. I said no because it was one of those "Who really cares?" types of things and she said, "God always cares." I wouldn't want her situation, but it seemed like it brought her really close to her Heavenly Father." - Erin
"I always turned to prayer and the scriptures. It may not have given me answers, but it helped change my mindset and got me focusing on something else and the desire went away. If it gets bad enough, calling a friend and talking about anything also helps. They don't even have to know why you called, just that ya wanted to chat and see how they are doing. Turning on church music or singing hymns to yourself help. If you're in a situation where you feel like you may go to far, take a step back and get out of it. Sometimes while dating after tasting the "forbidden fruit" it's not a bad idea to double date. Never be alone for long periods of time, especially if you are getting serious or are engaged. Satan places more temptation in those instances and makes it hard to resist. If you still feel you don't think you can withstand the temptation, priesthood blessings can help. If you're with someone who tries to push being intimate outside of marriage, they don't truly love, or respect you and you should breakup with them. Anyone who can't respect you or your standards is not worth keeping around." - Melanie
"I had a roommate that was divorced and she would talk to us about how different it was to switch back to being single. Some of the things that helped her was having roommates, obviously, but also having a support group that could help distract her. She talked with the bishop a lot about these problems and he gave her a position in the temple to help her. I guess staying busy and having people around to help you are some of the advice I observed from her." - Rebekah
"About that same roommate [R mentioned] -- I noticed she spent a lot of time on her knees and in the scriptures. I echo Rebekah's thought that staying busy was really important for her, but also that she turned to God. I remember talking to her later about something (trivial) that was bothering me and she asked me if I had prayed about it. I said no because it was one of those "Who really cares?" types of things and she said, "God always cares." I wouldn't want her situation, but it seemed like it brought her really close to her Heavenly Father." - Erin
"I always turned to prayer and the scriptures. It may not have given me answers, but it helped change my mindset and got me focusing on something else and the desire went away. If it gets bad enough, calling a friend and talking about anything also helps. They don't even have to know why you called, just that ya wanted to chat and see how they are doing. Turning on church music or singing hymns to yourself help. If you're in a situation where you feel like you may go to far, take a step back and get out of it. Sometimes while dating after tasting the "forbidden fruit" it's not a bad idea to double date. Never be alone for long periods of time, especially if you are getting serious or are engaged. Satan places more temptation in those instances and makes it hard to resist. If you still feel you don't think you can withstand the temptation, priesthood blessings can help. If you're with someone who tries to push being intimate outside of marriage, they don't truly love, or respect you and you should breakup with them. Anyone who can't respect you or your standards is not worth keeping around." - Melanie
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