Is Masturbation Really A Sin?
NOTE: We know this is a pretty sensitive topic, like most topics on our website. We want to make it clear that we are not attempting to undermine the teachings of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and we are in no way speaking for the Church. We are simply attempting to address a valid and real concern of many faithful Latter-day Saints in the best way we know how: by talking about it.
A few months ago, we got the following question on our website:
“I want a discussion on masturbation outside of marriage. I mean without any pornography use, or fantasizing, but just the physical act. Every adolescent (practically) does this. There is so much shame on it, and there shouldn't be. Please read and refrence this article.”
Here’s a link to the article they mentioned. It was written on a website called “Patheos” (an unofficial LDS website), by a woman who is a licensed clinical marriage and family therapist, sex therapist, and active Latter-day Saint. We recommend reading it to get some context for the rest of this article.
First, we “asked the ladies” what they thought, and here’s what they said:
I love the Patheos article. Read and loved it when it first came out, and still think it rings true.
As far as I can see, the average sexual person has three options outside of marriage:
1) Masturbate and get on with your day
2) Ignore and repress your sexual feelings (bearing in mind that repression often leads to compulsions and addictions)
3) Accept your sexual urges but don't act on them and just be aroused 24/7
Even if Door #1 is a sin, I feel like it's a better option than Doors #2 and #3. Releasing those sexual feelings leaves your mind clear for things like helping others, praying, getting an education, etc. Repression and constant arousal, on the other hand, end up taking so much emotional energy that you can't bring the best of yourself to the rest of your life... and I don't think that's what limiting sexual activity is supposed to accomplish.
Which could lead me into a whole long thing about how sexuality is sacred because it involves the God-like power to create life, and that power is literally impossible to obtain when you're pleasuring yourself...but that's another topic.
--Nia
I loved this article! I agree with her stance and have always felt that way.
As a single mom who is dating I'd much rather be able to take care of myself than get in trouble with a guy I'm dating.
On another note, I have a 6-year-old daughter who I don't want to make her feel like it is a sin. I don't believe masturbation alone is a sin. I don't quite know how to address the situation with my daughter since she is so young. But she knows that it is okay just when she is a bit older.
I think by shaming something so natural in kids can make it feel like they are wrong or in trouble for it. It is a natural thing and I don't think there should be guilt around it. Unless there is pornography involved, I don't see it as a problem even when married. When married, you still need to be having a sexual relationship with your spouse, but I still find it completely healthy to masturbate.
--S
Because of LDS scrupulosity, Mormons and their spiritually-induced guilt have high levels of compulsive or addictive behavioral problems with masturbation and pornography. Far higher than the average Joe, who was never raised to feel guilty about that kind of behavior. And I'm talking about men (and women) who have serious addictions, and need to go through a 12-step program. Utah leads the nation. (My sources: my uncle, John Dehlin, who just finished his PhD in Logan, Utah on religious scrupulosity, says his most common "client" who needs counseling is returned missionaries who can't stop masturbating and feel horrible about it.)
Sooo....I'm just thinking out loud here. My bishop had a talk with all adults last Sunday on how masturbation itself, is a sin. He didn't mince words and said it flat, just like that.
So. If the church continues to teach this (just read miracle of forgiveness if you doubt that the church teaches this)...I think it will be very difficult to be raised in the church, feel it to be okay to masturbate, and not feel shame or guilt for it. Which perpetuates this endless cycle.
These aren't my personal feelings per se, just throwing out some food for thought.
--G
I'm speaking as someone who did this as a child and teenager without really knowing what I was doing. It wasn't at all sexual (I didn't fantasize or look at pornography). I simply learned that this felt good. But even without sex attached, I was a slave to it for many years. I held immense guilt once I found out what I was actually doing and struggled to break the habit (it was how I went to sleep sometimes!). So I will teach my children that those feelings are to be saved for marriage. And also, it should be avoided just like we avoid other addictive things like gambling or alcohol.
It's deeply personal, obviously, but I never want my girls to struggle with breaking a habit they didn't know they were forming. My daughter is 4 and pokes around down there all the time but I make it a point to talk to her about what she's doing and how it feels. I think the more stigma I take away from her vagina, the less likely she's gonna be to explore on her own and/or not talk to me if she does develop a habit.
--C
Before writing this article, I also informally chatted with two friends about masturbation (common conversation topic in the parking lot after work, right?). One is a woman who was raised LDS but is no longer active, the other is an active LDS man who was divorced in 2010. They both shared similar thoughts: That masturbation is probably a lot less harmful than their upbringing made it seem. Both of them grew up within the LDS culture that places a lot of shame on masturbation, but both have since come to believe that it’s healthy and normal and totally okay to masturbate. But I also have other friends who have come to different conclusions—that arousing sexual feelings outside of marriage diminishes their ability to feel the spirit, or distracts them, or is otherwise unhealthy or sinful.
“I want a discussion on masturbation outside of marriage. I mean without any pornography use, or fantasizing, but just the physical act. Every adolescent (practically) does this. There is so much shame on it, and there shouldn't be. Please read and refrence this article.”
Here’s a link to the article they mentioned. It was written on a website called “Patheos” (an unofficial LDS website), by a woman who is a licensed clinical marriage and family therapist, sex therapist, and active Latter-day Saint. We recommend reading it to get some context for the rest of this article.
First, we “asked the ladies” what they thought, and here’s what they said:
I love the Patheos article. Read and loved it when it first came out, and still think it rings true.
As far as I can see, the average sexual person has three options outside of marriage:
1) Masturbate and get on with your day
2) Ignore and repress your sexual feelings (bearing in mind that repression often leads to compulsions and addictions)
3) Accept your sexual urges but don't act on them and just be aroused 24/7
Even if Door #1 is a sin, I feel like it's a better option than Doors #2 and #3. Releasing those sexual feelings leaves your mind clear for things like helping others, praying, getting an education, etc. Repression and constant arousal, on the other hand, end up taking so much emotional energy that you can't bring the best of yourself to the rest of your life... and I don't think that's what limiting sexual activity is supposed to accomplish.
Which could lead me into a whole long thing about how sexuality is sacred because it involves the God-like power to create life, and that power is literally impossible to obtain when you're pleasuring yourself...but that's another topic.
--Nia
I loved this article! I agree with her stance and have always felt that way.
As a single mom who is dating I'd much rather be able to take care of myself than get in trouble with a guy I'm dating.
On another note, I have a 6-year-old daughter who I don't want to make her feel like it is a sin. I don't believe masturbation alone is a sin. I don't quite know how to address the situation with my daughter since she is so young. But she knows that it is okay just when she is a bit older.
I think by shaming something so natural in kids can make it feel like they are wrong or in trouble for it. It is a natural thing and I don't think there should be guilt around it. Unless there is pornography involved, I don't see it as a problem even when married. When married, you still need to be having a sexual relationship with your spouse, but I still find it completely healthy to masturbate.
--S
Because of LDS scrupulosity, Mormons and their spiritually-induced guilt have high levels of compulsive or addictive behavioral problems with masturbation and pornography. Far higher than the average Joe, who was never raised to feel guilty about that kind of behavior. And I'm talking about men (and women) who have serious addictions, and need to go through a 12-step program. Utah leads the nation. (My sources: my uncle, John Dehlin, who just finished his PhD in Logan, Utah on religious scrupulosity, says his most common "client" who needs counseling is returned missionaries who can't stop masturbating and feel horrible about it.)
Sooo....I'm just thinking out loud here. My bishop had a talk with all adults last Sunday on how masturbation itself, is a sin. He didn't mince words and said it flat, just like that.
So. If the church continues to teach this (just read miracle of forgiveness if you doubt that the church teaches this)...I think it will be very difficult to be raised in the church, feel it to be okay to masturbate, and not feel shame or guilt for it. Which perpetuates this endless cycle.
These aren't my personal feelings per se, just throwing out some food for thought.
--G
I'm speaking as someone who did this as a child and teenager without really knowing what I was doing. It wasn't at all sexual (I didn't fantasize or look at pornography). I simply learned that this felt good. But even without sex attached, I was a slave to it for many years. I held immense guilt once I found out what I was actually doing and struggled to break the habit (it was how I went to sleep sometimes!). So I will teach my children that those feelings are to be saved for marriage. And also, it should be avoided just like we avoid other addictive things like gambling or alcohol.
It's deeply personal, obviously, but I never want my girls to struggle with breaking a habit they didn't know they were forming. My daughter is 4 and pokes around down there all the time but I make it a point to talk to her about what she's doing and how it feels. I think the more stigma I take away from her vagina, the less likely she's gonna be to explore on her own and/or not talk to me if she does develop a habit.
--C
Before writing this article, I also informally chatted with two friends about masturbation (common conversation topic in the parking lot after work, right?). One is a woman who was raised LDS but is no longer active, the other is an active LDS man who was divorced in 2010. They both shared similar thoughts: That masturbation is probably a lot less harmful than their upbringing made it seem. Both of them grew up within the LDS culture that places a lot of shame on masturbation, but both have since come to believe that it’s healthy and normal and totally okay to masturbate. But I also have other friends who have come to different conclusions—that arousing sexual feelings outside of marriage diminishes their ability to feel the spirit, or distracts them, or is otherwise unhealthy or sinful.
So, here’s the thing…here at Eternal Intimacy, we’re not therapists, nor are we your ecclesiastical leaders. We’re just a group of LDS women who want to help other LDS women feel good about their sexuality and womanhood. So, really, the only thing we can tell you about masturbation is the same thing we tell you about almost everything else…you decide.
I know it’s scary to think about going against the old Strength of Youth pamphlet, or “Miracle of Forgiveness.” But, for the record, “Miracle of Forgiveness” is no longer in print. Neither is the old Strength of Youth pamphlet. And in the current edition of the Handbook for Church leaders, masturbation is not mentioned at all. And so maybe this issue has grown into something that the Lord wants each of us to figure out for ourselves. And if so many faithful Latter-day Saints have come to believe that it doesn’t have to be forbidden or shameful, maybe you can too. And if so many faithful Latter-day Saints have come to believe that masturbation is NOT okay for them or their children, you can believe that too.
But for those who have felt shame or guilt or heartache because of masturbation, we invite you to study out why you feel that way, and remember that God loves you and wants you to be happy and fulfilled, in whatever way is best for you. We invite you to let go of shame and start talking—with friends, with a therapist, with people in online communities, and with a loving Heavenly Father, about which path will bring you the greatest joy both now and in the hereafter. Because when it comes down to it, happy and healthy sexuality is all about feeling at peace with yourself.
But for those who have felt shame or guilt or heartache because of masturbation, we invite you to study out why you feel that way, and remember that God loves you and wants you to be happy and fulfilled, in whatever way is best for you. We invite you to let go of shame and start talking—with friends, with a therapist, with people in online communities, and with a loving Heavenly Father, about which path will bring you the greatest joy both now and in the hereafter. Because when it comes down to it, happy and healthy sexuality is all about feeling at peace with yourself.
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