Question: How Do I Touch My Husband?
"My husband says I don't know how to touch him in the right way. I want to turn him on but my technique needs some help!!"
It takes some practice learning about male anatomy. We recommend you check out our article "The Anatomy of Pleasure: The Penis" in addition to reading the suggestions from the ladies.
Answers:
"Ask him to show you and be an 'eager and willing student'. That being said, although they call it the 'one eyed snake', a penis won't bite you. Don't be afraid to touch it boldly or firmly. Also don't neglect the testicles or perineum, they are both pretty sensitive and often overlooked areas too. If you're not sure how it's going, just ask! He's the only one that can tell you if what you're trying is working or not. (Edit: by eager and willing, I mean, of course to keep an open mind and be willing to try things. Don't force yourself to do something you're super uncomfortable with. Sex should ultimately be pleasurable for both partners on some level.)" - C
"Sometime when you guys have a little time on your hands just sit down and get technical. Have him show you what he likes. Not in a breathy, sexy, low light kind of way. In broad daylight in your home, like you're learning to golf or play tennis, only the rules are entirely made up by him. The object is to learn his personal preferences. Every guy is different. When he tells you what he likes (or even better, shows you) try it right then and ask him if that's how he likes it. Don't take it personally when you don't get it right the first time. How could you possibly know if he doesn't tell you? There's no shame in a simple information session. There's a serious learning curve in sex, but if you are willing to be open, have what may seem an uncomfortable conversation at first and make it playful it will pay off in the long run. Ask him about pressure, speed, which parts of his manly bits he likes touched, which he doesn't, at what point he'd like you to introduce a hand job in the process of having sex etc. Stay open and creative. That makes the best sex! And don't be afraid to give him a tutorial as well! Women's sexual pleasure is important!" - L
"I'd also suggest to use lubricant in your explorations--sometimes we ladies don't realize that our vigorous hands can make things uncomfortable. Here's another tip (heh heh--"tip"): Try having an educational session in the shower. You can use lubricant or even mild conditioner to keep the friction low in your explorations, but you can also explore without worrying about cleanup if he reaches orgasm. You don't HAVE to work towards orgasm in your learning, but eventually, if that's the goal, the shower is a nice, convenient place to give it a try." - Eden
"Yup, some hands-on exploration with your husband is the only way to figure this out. The suggestion to keep the lights on is great! In my experience, it's sometimes harder to figure out communication when you're actually having sex, so treating this as a separate event can help keep it light. It's possible that your husband doesn't really know what he likes, in which case, you'll be learning together. This is a great list of "would you rather?" questions that might help the two of you figure out not just how you like to be touched, but also your sexual personalities. Use it as a jumping point and come up with your own questions as needed." - Nia
"Sometime when you guys have a little time on your hands just sit down and get technical. Have him show you what he likes. Not in a breathy, sexy, low light kind of way. In broad daylight in your home, like you're learning to golf or play tennis, only the rules are entirely made up by him. The object is to learn his personal preferences. Every guy is different. When he tells you what he likes (or even better, shows you) try it right then and ask him if that's how he likes it. Don't take it personally when you don't get it right the first time. How could you possibly know if he doesn't tell you? There's no shame in a simple information session. There's a serious learning curve in sex, but if you are willing to be open, have what may seem an uncomfortable conversation at first and make it playful it will pay off in the long run. Ask him about pressure, speed, which parts of his manly bits he likes touched, which he doesn't, at what point he'd like you to introduce a hand job in the process of having sex etc. Stay open and creative. That makes the best sex! And don't be afraid to give him a tutorial as well! Women's sexual pleasure is important!" - L
"I'd also suggest to use lubricant in your explorations--sometimes we ladies don't realize that our vigorous hands can make things uncomfortable. Here's another tip (heh heh--"tip"): Try having an educational session in the shower. You can use lubricant or even mild conditioner to keep the friction low in your explorations, but you can also explore without worrying about cleanup if he reaches orgasm. You don't HAVE to work towards orgasm in your learning, but eventually, if that's the goal, the shower is a nice, convenient place to give it a try." - Eden
"Yup, some hands-on exploration with your husband is the only way to figure this out. The suggestion to keep the lights on is great! In my experience, it's sometimes harder to figure out communication when you're actually having sex, so treating this as a separate event can help keep it light. It's possible that your husband doesn't really know what he likes, in which case, you'll be learning together. This is a great list of "would you rather?" questions that might help the two of you figure out not just how you like to be touched, but also your sexual personalities. Use it as a jumping point and come up with your own questions as needed." - Nia