How to Talk To Your Fiance About Sex
You’ve got the man. You’ve got a date set. You might even be meeting with a bishop.
So…how do you talk about sex if you still can’t have any yet, but know you will soon?
We here at Eternal Intimacy don’t recommend going into a sexual relationship without talking about it first, but we realize that you might be a little unsure about how to proceed. So we put together a handy guide of how to talk about sex, and what to talk about, with your fiancé.
We know that a lot of these may not be easy to answer, just because you may not have ANY sexual experience with a partner at all at this point. So it’s totally fine if you answer “I don’t know” to any of these. It’s helpful to revisit them after you’ve been married for a month or two. Or heck, even after a few years of marriage!
So…how do you talk about sex if you still can’t have any yet, but know you will soon?
We here at Eternal Intimacy don’t recommend going into a sexual relationship without talking about it first, but we realize that you might be a little unsure about how to proceed. So we put together a handy guide of how to talk about sex, and what to talk about, with your fiancé.
We know that a lot of these may not be easy to answer, just because you may not have ANY sexual experience with a partner at all at this point. So it’s totally fine if you answer “I don’t know” to any of these. It’s helpful to revisit them after you’ve been married for a month or two. Or heck, even after a few years of marriage!
STEP ONE:
Go to a public place (restaurant, public park)—someplace where you have a general sense of privacy when it comes to conversation, but where other people can see you easily. (Places to avoid for this conversation: bedrooms, living rooms, cars.)
STEP TWO:
Say a prayer. Ask for guidance and patience and courage.
STEP THREE:
Take turns asking each other the following things:
Go to a public place (restaurant, public park)—someplace where you have a general sense of privacy when it comes to conversation, but where other people can see you easily. (Places to avoid for this conversation: bedrooms, living rooms, cars.)
STEP TWO:
Say a prayer. Ask for guidance and patience and courage.
STEP THREE:
Take turns asking each other the following things:
GENERAL THOUGHTS/FEELINGS
PAST SEXUAL EXPERIENCES
|
WEDDING NIGHT EXPECTATIONS
SEX LIFE EXPECTATIONS
|
STEP FOUR:
End with another prayer. Try not to be all over each other. (Okay, you can be kind of all over each other. You know when to stop.)
End with another prayer. Try not to be all over each other. (Okay, you can be kind of all over each other. You know when to stop.)
Additional Thoughts From The Ladies“I feel like starting a pattern of discussion like this definitely helps make the conversation less awkward when there's something not so great you need to talk about. Like anything relating to hormonal changes, (pregnancy, [birth control], post baby, menopause) or non hormonal things like motherhood, stress, illness, etc, can change things some and it's important to be able to have those conversations because your partner definitely deserves a heads up if something awesome is suddenly NOT awesome.” – C
|
Additional ResourcesWEBSITE: The Marriage Bed
Run by a Christian married couple. Lots of good resources. BOOK: And They Were Not Ashamed (Laura M. Brotherson) The go-to Mormon sexuality book. Sensitive and instructive. BOOK: Before Your Wedding (Laura Nielson Denke) Don’t by fooled by the cover. It’s a great book with lots of questionnaires. |